In the Theatre with Kevin Murphy - Red Riding Hood - Warner Bros.

In todays modern world there are two types of fairy tales; there are the ones that were read to us at bedtime every night by our parents, featuring lovable characters that little kids would love. The other is the one teenage girls can't get enough of, the one featuring hot young bad guys/anti heros fighting Wight some other guy to win the heart of the either not so pretty or pretty dumb heroine. Can you guess which one Red Riding Hood is? If you guessed the first one you are correct; A hundred years ago. The new Red Riding Hood is another pale, dry and childish teenage girl dream that makes me evan more anticipated for something much better.

In the retelling of the famous folk tale young Valerie (Amanda Seyfried) is constantly stalked by the mysterious “Big Bad Wolf” who plagues the town. In every attempt to capture and kill the wolf he is always able to escape and take at least one taste of human blood. However the presence of Valerie gives the witch hunter Father Solomon (Gary Oldman) the idea of unmasking the wolf as she does not scream in terror in the wolfs presence.

I am not a teenage girl and Im glad Im not because evan if i was i wouldn't enjoy this movie because Im too smart and too manly for it. Red Riding Hood is a disgrace to our childhoods because it takes every good and care free memory of all those stories we loved and warps them into a teenage girl fantasy about sex, darkness and more winey unlovable teenage sappiness. The reason they made this movie seems to be very clear. Its not about going to visit grandma and getting attacked by a wolf. Its about getting the ultimate thrill with the bad guy which is what I thought, but when I saw the ending I was about too throw up and vomit on the movie theatre floor. Im not going to tell you why because its just too sickening

For most of this movie I wasn't on the edge of my seat because I knew bluntly well what was going to happen next and for most of it I was bored out of my wits until the climax when I suddenly gained more interest. On the plus side though the movie does have a good opening sequence that is beautifully shot with great cinematography and as said before the ending has a good twist.

But still this movie is just plain awful, that is all I can say. Its a sappy retelling of a classic children's tale that made me want to cry out in pain. Tis movie (as they say on tv) sucks.

My Rating: 1/4 Shamrocks.